Dr Christine Cheng

This is a private post for Aaron and Athena McClelland. I don't know when you'll stumble upon this post, but I hope that you will sometime in future, and know that I will always be available to tell you more about your father, Dr William J McClelland. I am using every SEO trick I know to enable you to find this when the time is right.

I don't know how much you will remember of him when you grow up, how many lies you have been told. I am just writing this so you can have a glimpse of the real man, someone you should be proud of to have as your father.

At the time that I write this, your father has not had any contact with you for over a month. He's had a year from hell, and he has only kept going because of his love for you. When he was blocked from contact with you just before his 51st birthday (in mid February) this year, he was distraught. He asked your Mum's boss Dr JJ Chua for help to locate you, but he said that you were better off without him. That broke your father's heart.

William and I have been the best of friends for many years. Aaron, you may remember how Ffion and I would visit you every Saturday night & we'd have fun till middle of the night. That was the highlight of the week. for all of us. And I'd have happily continued with that tradition if Rani had not turned cold when she was pregnant with Athena. She made it blatantly obvious that we were no longer welcome.

To keep peace, your father distanced himself as well. He'd been accused of having an affair with me. That's crazy as we'd never had anything other than a brother/sister type relationship. We'd tease, argue, laugh and philosophise the hours away. We understood each other in a way no one else ever did. He was the big brother I'd always wanted, but never had.

It did hurt me that JJ "won" by stopping our friendship for so many years. But just before he was imprisoned, we were re-building our friendship again. We were planning to work together again after the spa opened. So I was devastated to find out just just that big day, that he had been incarcerated.

But let me tell you about your father first. The first time I met him, I had one hell of a headache. He's INTENSE as hell, and arrogant as shit. But his arrogance was not that of the typical Singaporean. He did not ram his importance down anyone's throat, or insist that the rest of the world is inferior to him. No, his arrogance was a knowledge that he had created the perfect life for him. He slept when he wanted to sleep, ate when he wanted to eat, collected every DVD the moment it was released, and was paid a princely fortune to share his knowledge on stage. He was charismatic, knowledgeable, inspirational. Despite his dyslexia and childhood abuse, he had come through and built a career he was proud of, and he had a family he loved deeply. Staying home with the two of you was the most important thing in his life.

He was deeply misunderstood. Being black in Singapore was not easy. People were suspicious of him everywhere he went. But as he knew his stuff, he was respected too. And he loved his designer gear. He wore branded clothes from head to foot, and dressed your Mum up equally well. He was exacting and insisted on his life being exactly how he designed it. And because of that, he came across as being very hard.

And he had the most amazing singing voice ever. He can mimick so many artistes, but his favourite was Michael Buble. He could have been a star if he wanted to, but he decided to use his life to help people become the best they could possibly be, both with his coaching as well as with the right nutrition. I was lucky to have had "private tuition" from him for so many years. And it's a shame you don't have his guidance with you now.

When your Mum told me he'd been imprisoned for beating her up, I was shocked. I was angry that he could suddenly go crazy. What's got over him? But after a few weeks, I suddenly felt something was wrong. Your mum's story didn't ring true. The William McClelland I know would not suddenly go crazy and beat up the wife he loved more than his life. He often said he would kill anyone who threatened his wife. He'd lose his life, go to jail to protect his family.

So when the newspaper reported that he'd gone mad and tried to burn Rani's face and set the flat on fire, killing all of you, I just could not believe it.

When he finally called from ICA prison, I demanded to see him. I needed to find out from him exactly what happened. Your father had never lied to me before and I knew he wouldn't then. And I knew how many lies your mother had told your father over the years too.

When I saw him, I was deeply saddened. He'd lost so much weight that his belly was completely flat. And he looked haggard. Much older than his 50 years. Your father used to have an ageless face. I'd never have guessed his age to be anywhere near 50 before the imprisonment.

The saddest part was your father was trapped by his greatest student. Being a master of NLP and human behaviour, he would teach his skills to those around him. I had some benefit from his generosity, and your Mum had over a decade of training.

She wanted an injunction so he could not stop her from divorcing him. The best way to get an injunction is to get attacked. Best way to get attacked is to make the other party so angry he would fly into a blind rage. With William, that was easy. He wanted his family around him. He wanted Rani to be a good mother to the both of you. So she stayed out. She stayed out late every night for a week. The stories were ridiculous. Working late (re-organising patient notes), visiting a colleague with cancer till midnight then coming back drunk. Going to the market on the day of the incident at 6am and not getting home till late. She would have kept going till he flipped. And as planned, he fell into her trap and lost his temper. She got whipped with a belt, and he was imprisoned. The fire was just a threat. He had no intentions of using it, and certainly would never harm either of you.

Even after his prison sentence and deportation, he still loved her and wanted to get back together with her. She played along with this for a few weeks, then broke his heart. He had no possessions, no money, nothing. Not even spare underwear. And winter in the US was cold. They spoke often initially, then she started to ignore him. He was distraught. And because of his distress, he attempted to take his life a few times. I managed to save him once, but I never know when he will try again, and succeed. So when I don't hear from him for a few weeks, I start freaking out. There's no point contacting your mother as she ignores my SMSes too. I just hope she does let me know if he does ever succeed in taking his life.

The last I heard from him, your father had hit rock bottom. He was homeless, sleeping in the park (even in the rain). He was eating from the trash to stay alive. His laptop (his only possession of value) had been stolen. He was  physically and mentally ill. His family had thrown him on the streets (mother, sister, daughters... no one would let him stay with them for more than a few weeks). He was unable to find a job even after we sent him his certs. No one would hire anyone with a record, however qualified. Especially in the middle of the recession. The visionary who was able to think out of the box better than most had lost all will to live. And I was no longer able to encourage him to stay alive for you. He had not heard from you for over a month by then, with no hope of contact anytime in the forseeable future. And when you think the man's situation couldn't get any worse, his eldest son dies suddenly. Now William has to get from Florida back to Philadelphia to be at the funeral. I pray that that is the last of his bad luck, and things start to turn around for him soon.

My friend Lily (who is Clairvoyant) has seen a bright future for him. She sees him re-united with you, re-married and happy at last. But he needs to pull himself together and move forwards. But he's broken and bitter, and now physically unwell too. Ultimately he has to want to live, and I am afraid that surviving is too hard for him now. He is a very strong man. Most would not have coped with as much as he has.

I really hope that you are re-united with him one day. But just in case that doesn't happen, please know that you father is a good man. He is true to himself, which is something most people would not understand. He is highly intelligent, driven and funny. And as his only friend in the world, I will also be there for the both of you should you need me. Please do not ever hesitate to look for me if you need my help in any way. Just as your father would be there for Ffion, I am here for you.